This morning as I ran down the Willamette River while visiting Portland, Oregon for a conference I saw something that fired up the fingers and inspired me to write.
As I ran along I saw dozens and dozens of homeless people. Young and old, black and white, all sorts of people. Laying under bridges, disheveled and needy, it brought a question to my mind.
How did these folks end up here?
Beyond making me so grateful for my wonderful family, friends, and relative prosperity; I couldn’t help but wonder about these people and their circumstance.
Is it possible that they “Want” to be here? Did they ask for a life of sleeping on park benches and begging for enough money for food and perhaps a coat?
I doubt it, I’m sure they were all children at one time who had imagination and curiosity. They had dreams and ambitions to be policemen, firefighters, doctors, and major league ball players. While I’m sure each had their own family circumstance I’m sure they didn’t in their wildest dreams imagine they’d be living like this.
In leadership we talk about Locus of Control. The idea that you either have an internal locus of control or an external locus of control. Internal meaning you believe you control your circumstances, external meaning you believe your circumstances control you.
Does that mean that all of these folks living on the streets have an external locus of control?
Does it mean that everyone that succeeds has an internal one?
Probably not, but what we all do need to consider is that every decision has a consequence. If you are achieving great success it wasn’t done via a single decision. Even if you can point to one moment where things really took off. It was built on a series of decisions that put you in a place to achieve.
If you have failed perhaps several times it is really the same. Chances are (hopefully) that you did not make ALL wrong decisions. Most likely you made a number of sound decisions however perhaps just one or two that took your plans off track and there you are finding yourself amidst a failure.
In this life we make decisions every day. Those decisions are things that are under your control. You own the successes that can be linked with those decisions just like you own the failures in which a different decision may create.
A series of bad decisions may not lead you to life on the streets just as a series of good ones may not lead you to the park avenue penthouse (if that is your thing). However, every decision you make has a consequence. I suggest we do our very best to own every decision that we make. After all, if you don’t take on the things you CAN control, you are going to be really be swimming upstream when you have to deal with the things you cannot.
What decision will you take control of today?
Nice post. I think we also have to consider two situations of how to get there:
1. Endemic lost: The ability of a society or region to generate material, propriety and money lost to a good portion of people who take a while to find a way out. For instance the banks situations in US, Civil wars, Natural disasters…
2. Next generations of homeless: Let’s suppose that not everyone recovers from a big material lost in their lives and a second or a third generation comes a board. These last ones will bear thinking that the success world is for few and then you have a small world for this generation which eventually will find ‘better’ (in their fogy point of view) ways using drugs or violence to obtain happiness. Of course we will find examples of people who succeeded, from generations of homeless or very poor people, but they are exception. Examples may be found at entire Africa and on Brazil’s slums.
This was a little too close to home for me. I once was one of those lost people. Alone and afraid. Afraid to feel. I know what it's like to think you have nothing to live for, and I know how it feels to shut off everything because you don't care what happens to you. But I learned that feeling is the only way to make it out. And I did made it out. Later in life, an opportunity was thrown in front of me, and I worked with abused women and families and people who struggled with poverty. People, who in many cases, just need a break or a little support. And in others, a smile and an oustretched hand of someone who actually cares. Sometimes people just need someone to tell them they're worth it. Astonished, they might just start to believe it.There are faces that yet haunt me. I wonder what happened to them. And I recognise that I have a gift and can make a difference. It is part of my healing. I am a survivor and i am strong. But it took me a hell of a long time to learn that. Life has lead me on some fantastical journies - all with lessons for me to learn. Life is full of suffering - but it is also full of overcoming.
letmemoveyou Your words are powerful and you are really amazing! You have defined why the You Matter campaign is so powerful.
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Thanks Daniel. I just read back and would, of course, like to edit! I answered emotionally and not so eloquently. In fact, I was completely taken aback by my strong reaction to something that now seems a lifetime ago.But it is so. You gave me my first #youmatter, and it was powerful. I am paying it forward and giving them freely now. You are an amazing person, and I thank you for your kindness.
Your question was great; your imagery was difficult at best. A few years ago I think you may have gotten a completely different response but today many people have seen their industries, their jobs, their way of living disappear at no fault of their own. Decisions have consequences and most of us would agree with that but when you live at a time in history when so many people have lost so much control over your own life it seems almost redundant. I see your point as well as the question, how do some people survive when others seem to fall by the way side? Is it simple a question of inner fortitude? Are some people stronger than other, perhaps better planners or mayhap they are just luckier….
I have to laugh because I wonder if you were prepared for this. Nicely done! You have give people a chance to think and to share in a very difficult time.
Tim O'Gorman Thanks for the feedback Tim. I'm not sure if I painted the imagery right. I'm not an expert on homelessness or impoverished people. I happened to run into it and it provoked my thinking so I clung to it as metaphor. The biggest point I'm trying to get out is DECIDE to be....decide success....fail with grace and succeed with humility.
Thanks again for stopping by!
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At times decisions can be relative. To one it is brilliant, to another it is bad. I don't know why but it reminded me of Steve Jobs when he launched the iPad. The consequence? Almost everyone made a joke out of it. Jobs stuck with it and it is now a part of our daily lives. Perhaps that too is a controlled decision. Great post, Daniel - great way to start my week :)
janwong So glad to get the week of to a better start! I really appreciate your support and continued comments!
Please bear with me...this comment is about leadership and decisions...
My first internship was at an acute detox center in New London,CT. I was 21 years old working with homeless people who were taken off the street drunk, high and devastated. They stayed with us until they sobered up. The stories they told me were amazing. Those of us who have food, homes, people who care for us cant' even imagine what goes on for someone who is homeless. The decisions they make every day are life and death, for themselves and their children.
I respected their bravery. To go on as sick and heartbroken and ravaged as they were. They kept going on, holding on to what little hope they had. Sometimes I was a part to that hope..that someone would "see" them. They needed to matter, yes? They were very nice to me, clueless as I was about their experience. : )
No one 'decides' to be homeless. Some people are born into it. Right now 22% of ALL American children live in poverty. Others have severe mental illness that is untreated. And mental illness treatment is the first thing to get cut when politicians want us to "live within our means."
I know this is a post on leadership and I think we need courageous leaders to address these issues. Wondering how someone decides to become homeless isn't the right question. We need to ask ourselves how WE decide to make a difference in these realities that lead to wasted lives. And that is a decision we have the power to make.
susangiurleo Thanks for the feedback. If you read that I am suggesting they chose to be there, I suggest you to re-read it, or perhaps I need to re-frame it.
I suggested that there is a linear series of decisions made somewhere along the line...but that is in all cases :)
I love your passion for the situation. Thank you for stopping by. So grateful for the support and constructive feedback.
danielnewmanUV I'm re-reading : )
Which brings me back to your original premise of locus of control.
Honestly, from the micro, personal level I don't think most people who are in bad situations perceive they have ANY power or control to make decisions. Which may be a big part of the problem.
I'm also intrigued by the idea of the "linear series of decisions."
To widen it out to a leadership position (which was your point)- are our decisions linear in leadership roles? In our personal lives? Are we always aware of what is in our control? I think from the outside looking in we can see where others' decisions get off track, but I'm not sure we have that clarity for our own personal experience. We humans are so not logical. Its a psychology thing : ).
susangiurleo Thanks Susan for re-reading and for the thoughtful response...#YouMatter
Decision making is an an odd duck. It often takes a path of it's own. It tends to build trend in one way ... or another. In other words it spirals. And this spiral is hard to get out of.
These people may have had no intention of of being where are but maybe didn't have strength to get out of the spiral. Maybe just something to - well think about.
clayforsberg Interesting so in your view decision making is linear...rather than cyclical. Definitely food for thought. Thanks for the comment and for stopping by!
Mental illness and a emotional and physical abuse also is a factor for many of these people. It's saddening how many children are brought up in unhealthy environments that you and I can't even imagine. Unfortunately, these abuses create life-long issues that cannot be controlled without assistance. Instead of helping people in need, we (as a society) cast them out. There's literally no place for them to go. It's heavily saddening.
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profkrg There is so much that leads to where we end up Kenna. I try to make the environment my children grow up in the best I possibly can.
I think more than anything, what we must do is our very best to control the decisions we can! Thanks for your thoughtful response.
Making bad decisions means making decisions. Being indecisive is a lot worse!
Making SMART decisions means being SMART about making decisions. Say that backwards twice!
Good stuff here, Daniel. You might want to pitch the "12 Most Important Decisions You Will Make" to this cool new site, 12Most.com. The guy running it can't usually make up his mind, but some of the editors are pretty good...worth a try?
BruceSallan I like that idea - not sure I know what those are - but perhaps it should be 12 questions? Perhaps this great blogger Bruce Sallan should write it :)
When i moved to Toronto many decades ago, I was quite upset (as a young kid knowing no better) about all these people asking for money. A year later, I met John who once ran a large corporation. He had lost his job and fallen on hard times. His attitude was not one of a victim but rather a man who was determined to get it all back. But he stopped short and said he had redefined what "all" meant. It wasn't about the blue suits and stock options. It was about "all" of him.
Many years later as I work for myself, I am reminded daily how fragile it all is as I "look for a job" every single day. With 49 million people under the poverty line in the U.S. alone (I live in Canada) and the news filled with constant depressing news, we need to redefine our "all" and part of that is "all of us" working together to actually help each other, actually!
My corporate ladder climbing self lost touch with John but your post reminded me of him. I never got the chance to thank him as his lessons didn't become obvious to me until recently.
Don't be afraid, be helpful. Don't turn your back, open your hand. Don't think it's "them", remember it's "us'.
KnealeMann Recently I was able to go to a local university to do mock interviews for students hoping to get practice for internships. The idea was to give a "hand up" to these young students. I thought, "This is my opportunity to give what no one else gave to me." And that's when I realized we were all in this together - we need to be helping one another rather than being out for just ourselves. This is my long way of saying that I believe you are right. We need to open our hands and lift one another to higher planes.
jhagey2 That's why I love "Outliers" because anyone who thinks they did it all on their own is fooling themselves. Pay it forward is a concept that has been handed down for centuries. It's only recently that we had to be reminded of its power and necessity.
KnealeMann What a fantastic story - so honored that this piece brought such a great reflection. There are so many circumstances that are created by so many decisions. It is interesting to dissect them sometimes. Other times it is better to just learn and move on.
All the best - look forward to connecting soon!
danielnewmanUV it was great to connect today, sir! I know it is the first of many great conversations and here's to future collaboration - actually.
I agree with the question: "What decision will you take control of today?" Working with what you can control is the best thing you can do. My father taught me there are circumstances you cannot control (the economy) but my mother taught me all you can do is your best. My parents are pretty smart folks. So, you can only make the best decisions you know how to, and take your best actions too. Then, come what may. Thanks Daniel! @danielnewmanUV
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