Your Social Voice – Are You A Faker?

Your Social Voice – Are You A Faker?

Jan 23, 2012

From the time that I was young I can remember my mothers “Phone Voice.”

The metaphor of her “Phone Voice” is how I define the way she answers the phone. Her greeting was like no other I’d ever heard; comprised of the clearest, kindest, most eloquent voice. It was unmistakable It didn’t really matter what was going on around her. She always answered this way.

I distinctly remember one time when she was screaming her head off at my sister and I only for her to stop when the phone rang to deliver a perfect rendition of her famous greeting.

While my mother is a wonderful person, this voice was not, and it wasn’t her. It was a total fraud. I knew this even as a child because she never spoke with this voice except when she picked up the call.

Since my not so fond memories of this date back to before the caller ID, I’m pretty sure she did this just in case someone really important was calling. At the very least I’m justifying it this way in my mind.

Now that we always know who is calling the element of surprise is gone. Now we know who is calling. This allows even her to answer the pone a bit more candidly.

The funny thing is how small things in life can have a big impact. The fake voice that my mother used to answer the phone drove me crazy. I never understood why you would want to be anyone but you and because of this I swore I would only be me. While perhaps a moving target, I never wanted anyone to question if I’m real.

Today the phone voice has wained, but it has been replaced. This time not by good old mom, but by a mass of social media users.

This mass of users is best characterized by those that want to always display an image because of the uncertainty of who may be listening.

After all, a good first impression is important.

Problem is, there are some misconceptions about the good ole first impression.

In fact there are many, and I won’t bore you with all of them, but here is one to take with you…

If you have lie, mislead, misinform, or act any way that isn’t representative of “YOU,” then it isn’t a good first impression. It is the foundation of a relationship that will have to continue to be built on false pretenses.

Unfortunately, the real “Us” always finds its way to the surface, it is really only a matter of when that happens.

As I have been around the “Social Media” world longer I have become more and more aware of the fake voice.

It isn’t really that hard to see it, just think about your 360 degree life off of the internet…People just aren’t so one dimensional in real life, but they can often seem that way online. Overly happy, nice, affectionate (Hugs, xo, etc), inspirational or other…

It can become even more visible when you start to meet some of these “Handles” in the real world. It is almost immediately apparent that the online personality and the offline person are hardly one and the same.

What is even more crazy is sometimes I end up liking the real person better. That is probably because no one is happy, perfect, or shiny all of the time. It is the ebbs and flows that really make life worth living.

This often leaves me wondering, why so many fakers?

Obviously not everyone is faking it. I’ve met some truly wonderful people via the social sphere. Would it surprise you if I suggest that many of the best ones are often much more electric in person than on line.

Having said that, I have also met some of the most prolific people online to find out that they are hardly prolific in real life.

As for me, I am what I am. This will probably limit my potential in the social space, but I’m okay with that. I’ve always believed in having a few really meaningful relationships rather than lots of acquaintances.

You can also count on the fact that I’m going to share what I think. This is the only thing that makes sense to me since Social Media is really just the interaction of “Real People” on a virtual platform. But I digress…

So how about you. Are you for real, or are you doing social media with a phone voice?

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26 comments
BrandFlair
BrandFlair

Only had one real experience with a faker.  The person is sure to use the word positive, supportive, sparkle, etc. along with the fake huge smile avatar but is really a bully with a personal agenda.  I call it the Mommy Dearest personality.  Trashing people and "wire hanger" moments behind the scenes but when the lights go on and it is show time the platitudes and buzz words come out.  At least the Trolls are in your face and don't hide their pathetic agendas. Otherwise I will say I have enjoyed most everyone else I have met so far via Social and those who I have even met for coffee IRL.  Dan, I look forward to our first chat face to face and enjoy your posts immensely.  You know how to be a true community leader and tell it like you see it.Cheers sir!

JB

LinkAssistant
LinkAssistant

Daniel, what a great article! and a question for you - should people managing brand pages act like your mom or be who they are in real life (opinionated, angry, sad etc.)? When a corporate opinion differs from one's personal opinion, what do you do? stifle your personality? impersonate the brand? find a compromise between the two?

danielnewmanUV
danielnewmanUV moderator like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

@LinkAssistant I think you have to balance. You need to remember you are doing your job. However, people like real people. And most of the time they can spot a faker. So if you go to far to either side you will probably find yourself in a mess. I have DEFINITELY found that in the world of blogging though, real is going to get you much better results.

Cheers!

janwong
janwong

This article got me thinking as always and it's true - sometimes the people we 'meet' online aren't exactly the same offline, whether it is for better or for worse. However I believe that ultimately, we should not try so hard to be someone whom we are not online. I say this because I know of people that place a lot of thought in crafting their next tweet or article to make it as perfect as possible and they may be far from that face to face, which is okay. As long as they have the same passion in what they do, it is difficult to miss that real voice in them.

danielnewmanUV
danielnewmanUV moderator

@janwong I like your last line which sums things up pretty well. Passion is hard to fake...thanks my friend for dropping in.

coffeewithjulie
coffeewithjulie

The "phone voice" anecdote just cracks me up - thanks for that! This is an interesting topic because of all the dimensions. Kneale, as example, points out that media professionals (the key word being "professional") do indeed have a duty to their employer to keep a certain tone at all times. In the social media space, there are some people just tweeting and chatting while others are actively cultivating professional relationships. If you fall in the latter, you'll likely be more careful about over-sharing, swearing, engaging in firestorms, etc. Sadly, this post brings me back to the death of Trey Pennington, who was by all accounts a very inspiring social media presence but after his suicide left many wondering about the depth of the pain he must have been in and how it perhaps might have made a difference if he had reached out to his social media community.

danielnewmanUV
danielnewmanUV moderator

@coffeewithjulie Many great points here Julie. I think there is a difference between doing your job - professional and representing yourself - social.

Now having said that, I by no means recommend acting a fool...I'm just saying don't be a fraud! Most aren't, but....

Kneale Mann
Kneale Mann like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

As part of my varied career, I coached media professionals. I loved it because I was lucky enough to work with big heads who allowed me to get the most out of my announcers (I called them storytellers) without the traditional cheesy media speak. However, if an announcer split up with his wife, he didn't sound bummed out on the air. If my morning team were scrapping with each other moments before going on the air, no sign of the squabble.

I had a buddy once tell me that I was personable but no one ever knew what was really going on in my life. And there was good reason i coached me and my team this way. Because no one wants to turn on NBC at 6;30 and see Brian Williams upset about a personal issue. They want the news delivered to their homes.

Is Brian Williams a faker? Were my two decades worth of media professionals faking it? Are you sharing every last detail of your entire life on this blog? Am I on mine? Clearly no in all cases.

Through my media career, I have met many comedians who would split your pants with their on-stage antics yet couldn't carry a conversation off stage to save their skin. Same with actors, musicians, politicians, writers, or any walks of life.

I agree, fakers in the social sphere can create a persona of expertise but that's up to all of us to not blindly believe everything we read. But I won't finish this comment by telling you about that client who is being difficult or that prospect who is too busy to read my proposal because that's not really all that entertaining.

And anyone reading this, I have met @danielnewmanUV and he is the real deal!

danielnewmanUV
danielnewmanUV moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

@Kneale Mann Many great points my friend. One thing you have to consider is the actors and thesbians that you mention are acting as a job. When they take their on stage antics off stage most of them are chastized in the media for acting a fool... Thanks for the comment and the support btw. I really appreciate it. You too are the real deal!

jobcoachjacqui
jobcoachjacqui

I can admit I don't talk to my job seekers like I do with my husband. I don't talk to my clients like I do with my best friend. #justsayin

This comment has been deleted

arkarthick
arkarthick

Controversial topic, Daniel. Most of the people I'm lucky to connect on various social media networks are authentic people who don't fake their being. They are happy, angry, criticize and do all sort of the things normal people do. Having said that, can't deny the fact that there are these 'guru' people on professional front and even some people fake things they're not for personal reasons. Honestly, I don't know why & instead of hating them, I pity for them. You know why! And about myself in this regard, you're the one to tell. :) Thank you.

danielnewmanUV
danielnewmanUV moderator

@arkarthick I think those of us that are most real associate with those that are most real. When we get caught up with people that aren't real, we move on. Hopefully quickly. I feel bad for those that can't be real. I wonder how aware some of them are. Nonetheless - we just keep moving forward!

knikkolette
knikkolette

Love this post! I used to work as an admin asst WAAAAY back when I first started working in the corp. world and I too had a phone voice, in fact it was a requirement. Funny how things change. Just keepin' it real now days. :) Thanks for posting.

Wittlake
Wittlake

Dan, this is great.

One of the biggest problems with the voice people adopt is it limits opportunity for real dialogue, and as @margieclaymen would point out, keeping face often degrades into keeping sides and creates pointless divisions.

motherwifeme
motherwifeme

Food for thought in this post. I have an aunt who STILL has a phone voice, it is so comedic, so distorted from the real her! I think it is important to be true to yourself whatever you are doing, but I think it is also important to bear in mind that we all behave differently dependent on our surroundings. As long as the essence is really you throughout, then you can't go far wrong.

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